Relational Maturity

Friday, March 29, 2019

Continuing our look at the Lord’s prayer and the theme of transformation, consider again the Lord’s words from Luke and Matthew:

“Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.” Luke 11:4

“And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”          Matthew 6:12

I share again my friend Bob Hudson’s take on the Lord’s Prayer as it relates to Relational Health and Maturity: “‘Forgive us as we forgive.”  We come to God in our brokenness, in our imperfect humanity, acknowledging our need for mercy and grace.  There is a correlation between our receiving God’s mercy and grace and our willingness to offer it to others.  To withhold forgiveness – mercy, compassion, grace – is to demonstrate our own inexperience in receiving what God offers us.  The healthiest persons and relationships are those where there is an abundant experience of the love and mercy of God for self – and for others.  “We love, because He first loved us.'”

Let me ask you, do you see yourself and your flaws with the compassion of Christ, or are your critical and judgmental of yourself?  What if today you gave yourself the love and compassion Christ has already extended to you, and choose to share that same compassion with others around you? We might experience true transformation and growth in our relational maturity.

Join the Conversation: Good Grief!

(our summer series inviting conversation and connection. Share your thoughts on Facebook or Twitter)

My mother died on July 14. A week later, I visited my father’s graveside in Ft. Logan National Cemetery for the first time since he passed. A dear friend just returned from a graveside visit to a mentor who passed in a tragic car accident. One of our church-family members just lost her grandmother. Death and grief are a part of life.

The loss of loved ones grows more real and present the older I get, and it exposes a unique loneliness in me.

Each situation is laced with joy and gladness as they sleep in faith with the Lord and await the glorious resurrection. That is the good news. They truly rest in a better place (though those words are no help on heels of a loss) and I can assent to it being a goodness amidst the grief.

Yet, there are obvious aspects of grief that are very uncomfortable and hard, though maybe goodness can be found there too. An obvious emptiness and sadness attends losing people we love. It wouldn’t be sad if they hadn’t made a meaningful impact on our lives. Their departure leaves a hole.

The hole is not only their absence, but how it exposes a deeper loneliness. In the case of parents and grandparents, it is the loss of people that knew us from the beginning. They set us in motion and loved us when we had nothing to give, but a cry, a mess and a smile. They showed us our first glimpse of unconditional, life-giving love.

Their loss tears at our roots – the roots of being known, loved and connected. Certainly we can busy ourselves with more people, and we can build other significant relationships to stay connected and experience love. Building new connections is good, but it can be a mechanism to hide as well. Hiding from the lonely reality that foundational relationships are undeniably absent for now doesn’t feel authentic or redeeming to me.

I believe the loneliness exposes a root desire for deep connection. There is goodness in the grief if we face it. My loneliness exposes a desire to be known and loved at my core. Though, the people that knew and valued me from the beginning are gone. I still want all of me to be deeply known. I want to be loved and accepted for who I am. That is a lonely grief and it is hard, lest we deny it and hide from it.

Henri Nouwen says: “The task is not to escape your loneliness, nor to let it drown you, but to find it’s source. … With your heart you must search for that place without fear.”

In this sense, I see the loneliness as a gift to be opened and explored, though it is hard to sit with. I’m finding the loneliness exposes in me a relational desire that not even the most intimate earthly relationship can fully satisfy, though they are so important. I feel the pain of grief and it’s loneliness driving me to more essential and eternal things. It seems to be leading me to God – to know him more intimately. It’s calling me to trust that in His knowing me, in His love for me, in His presence, in welcoming Him into my loneliness, there is more — more healing, more hope and a more satisfying, joyful relationship that transcends what we can know on a merely human level.

There is no fear in pursuing this, though it comes with some pain and letting go (for now) of those who have loved us well. Exploring “that place” referred to by Nouwen leads us to a deeper relationship with God, a good place, and a joyful connection.

I’d love to connect, share your thoughts.

Join the conversation: Be Still and Rest

Rest in a restless world – are you finding it? I AM.

The name of God in Hebrew is made up of four letters which are translated: YHVH or Yahweh. It is often written as LORD in our English Bibles, but in reality it means “I AM.”

Moses encounter this in Exodus 3 as he received instruction from Yahweh to go to Egypt to set the Israelites free. Moses says, “what if the people of Israel ask who sent me and ask me, ‘What is his name?’ what shall I say to them?”

God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” Say, “I AM has sent me to you.”

I AM, the eternally existing God of creation, the God whose “BEING” is the cause every thing that is, the Eternal Essence who is the reason for our existence has chosen to make us in his image (Gen 1:26). Therefore we are little I AM’s, uniquely and fearfully made in the image of the Great I AM.

Whenever we speak of our selves using the language “I am __________” we are first uttering the name of God. To speak of my name as in, “I am Rob,” I must first speak the name of God.  Our being flows from his BEING, and bears his image.

So the Psalmist invites us, amidst the flaming arrows of life, nations raging and cosmic chaos, to “be still and know that I AM God” (Psalm 46:10). How can we this be? How can we be still, or rest.

Maybe it depends on who you “be.” Who are you? Whose are you?

If I am, then I am made by and cared for by the Great “I AM.” And more importantly, if He is the Great I AM, the redeemer, our fortress, a very present help in trouble, then I am still and I am resting in knowing the presence and promises of God are with me.

What do you think?

Join the conversation on Facebook or on Twitter @cc_goshen

Join the Conversation: “I’ve got nothing to say.”

Join the conversation is a new blog series inviting engagement over the summer

“I’ve got nothing to say!” Do you ever feel like that? I do.

A friend recently said, “it has been a long time since you’ve written and I enjoy your blog.”

My internal thought was, “I haven’t had anything valuable enough to say.”

In moments like that a message in my head is negative and silencing.

As a pastor sharing God’s word and my heart every week, I say plenty. Intellectually I know I’ve got something to say, but often another stifling message is at work in my head. An internal critic can pound out the power to speak and mute a friends encouragement.

This is the part of me that gets untethered to who I am in Christ. The critic is part of the non-resourceful side of a ONE on the Enneagram. Ennea is Greek meaning “nine.” The Enneagram is a nine point spiritual-psychological inventory to promote awareness and growth of our true self in Christ. I am a One.

Briefly, a resourceful One is intuitive and determined to make things better, to reform and encourage wholeness. A non-resourceful One wrestles with an internal echo of defeating self-evaluation and criticism.

You may not be a One, and that’s not the point. But, who you are in Christ is important.

The point is we all have God given gifts and something to contribute to the conversation. In fact, the body of Christ benefits from all the parts engaging in the conversation and sharing unique perspectives. Engagement is part of knowing one another and growing in Christ together.

So let’s engage. If this resonates with you, share your thought.

P.S. If you would like to know more about and/or take the Enneagram, message me at I’m happy to administer and review with you.